Are you frustrated with a girl who has a little too much self confidence?
Have you ever wondered how to knock her down a few notches and put her in her place?
To the influx of people who are finding a previous post of mine by googling things like “how to destroy your girlfriend’s self-esteem”, I hope you find this one instead. This one will be much more succinct.
All the other tactics don’t work – I’m telling you this much. Do not subtly try to put her down or make off-hand comments comparing her to other girls. There’s something way better.
You need to go get help. If you are actually trying to find out how to ruin someone else’s self esteem, you are deeply disturbed and something is horribly wrong with you. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true. Hurt people hurt people. Get help.
Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: I know too many girls who were in abusive relationships with insecure, sad partners. And now they are thriving while their exes are still miserable.
I’m not one to wish the same hurt I endured onto someone who thinks that bringing another human being down will solve your own pain – so please, look inside yourself and get help.
Reminder that mentally ill people can be abusive. Reminder that you do not have to excuse their abusive behaviour just because they’re in pain.
If you are hurting and you blame others for your pain, you are being manipulative.
If someone actually abuses you, you can state the fact that they abused you and you are now feeling pain.
If someone criticizes or critiques you, and it hurts you, these are your own insecurities. This does not make them abusive. This does not make them toxic.
If you tell someone it’s their fault you had a breakdown, or want to hurt yourself, or want to kill yourself, you ARE being manipulative and unfair. Even if they hurt you.
Fighting fire with fire doesn’t work.
I wish I could see what you think you see in me. Just once I would like to be at peace with myself and look in the mirror through your rose-coloured glasses. But then you would have to take them off and see me for who I really am. I don’t think I want that quite yet.
Above is an unfinished draft I wrote a while back. On the 18th of September, specifically. This was written on a bad day.
I used to deflect compliments and praise because I strongly believed that to love myself, the love had to be intrinsic. It couldn’t rely on other people’s opinions of me. While I still believe this is true, I now realize that I took that sentiment too far… As I tend to do with most things.
My emotions and thoughts shift from one extreme to another. On bad days, I think I’m worthless. I think I’m a failure. Sometimes, I even feel like I hate myself. On good days I am confident, easy-going, and full of positive energy. Obviously the good exists. It is there, and it is intrinsic. However, the habit of refusing compliments is so deeply ingrained in my psyche that even on good days I cannot accept them. On bad days it’s even worse.
What I am starting to realize is that if I open myself up and let some of the positive in from the people around me, it can help coax out the self love that already exists. This is an important realization especially for the bad days. I’ve been living so long believing in this delusion that everyone who loves and cares for me must be wrong or mistaken. I could go on like that forever, if I allowed it. I could stay miserable forever.
It’s hard to let go of those thinking processes. They’re hardwired into my brain like a bad habit; no – like an addiction. I know they’re bad for me, but I’ve lived with them so long; I’ve lived with them all my life. It’s a constant effort to break free. I improve, then relapse. Improve. Relapse. Repeat.
I’m fighting against biology and brain structure. I’m resisting the pathways that have been ingrained within me. Through my studies, though, I know that it is possible to change. The brain is surprisingly plastic and the body is surprisingly adaptive. It’s possible to override these patterns. It’s not easy, but just like anything else that takes work, it will be worth it in the end.