Are you frustrated with a girl who has a little too much self confidence?
Have you ever wondered how to knock her down a few notches and put her in her place?
To the influx of people who are finding a previous post of mine by googling things like “how to destroy your girlfriend’s self-esteem”, I hope you find this one instead. This one will be much more succinct.
All the other tactics don’t work – I’m telling you this much. Do not subtly try to put her down or make off-hand comments comparing her to other girls. There’s something way better.
You need to go get help. If you are actually trying to find out how to ruin someone else’s self esteem, you are deeply disturbed and something is horribly wrong with you. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true. Hurt people hurt people. Get help.
Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: I know too many girls who were in abusive relationships with insecure, sad partners. And now they are thriving while their exes are still miserable.
I’m not one to wish the same hurt I endured onto someone who thinks that bringing another human being down will solve your own pain – so please, look inside yourself and get help.
A heartbeat that is an engineless, runaway train.
A brain severed from its cord.
A body in pieces.
There is someone shrieking over there,
In that corner where
Uncertainty and fear lies.
A dull pounding behind the eyes
Becomes a searing pain.
The world feels so dangerous nowadays.
A true friend is someone who has your best interests in mind. A true friend is NOT someone who tells you what you want to hear all the time and sugarcoats everything. A true friend is NOT someone who tiptoes around you, always afraid of offending.
Susan was someone who believed everything should always be butterflies and rainbows. She hated conflict, and avoided confrontation at all costs. Dana considered Susan to be her best friend. Sometimes Susan would get on Dana’s nerves. She would avoid any confrontations and always changed the subject when Dana wished to speak about more serious topics. Whenever things didn’t go her way, she would avoid anyone and everyone who she felt was being unfair to her and wouldn’t talk to them at all. One day, Dana became fed up and spoke to Susan about this. Susan clammed up, and rejected Dana from her life. She claimed that she was “practicing self care” by rejecting a toxic friend like Dana from her life.
This is not an example of a friend being bullied by another. This is an example of someone trying to be a good friend, and having that sentiment taken the wrong way. Now, with Susan’s refusal to communicate, this could lead to the loss of the two’s friendship.
As long as you are not relentlessly putting down another person and you have the best intentions in mind, you have every right to voice your concerns if they are directly involving you or your relationship with the person. Do not feel like a bully or a bad person for honoring your own frustrations and issues with your friend. Be true to yourself. If you would want a friend to point out their concerns when they came up, then it is not wrong for you to do this to another friend.
Lack of good, constructive communication destroys relationships. Remember this.
I have nothing. I lie here empty and uncertain of why exactly I’m hurting. There’s an uneasiness that settles throughout the spaces that have been worn through my mind. It’s the kind of feeling of being trapped. Of falling and having no way back.
I’m all one way or another
I want apart or together
To the extreme either way
I used to get jealous easily.
I had been led to believe I could be easily replaced.
I came to realize, the flaw was not within me –
it was within him.
For a friend.
What’s the difference between loving someone and holding onto fond memories of a past love?
How can you separate the two? Sure you can still love the person you have memories with, but what matters is your choice. You can choose who you will focus your love and energy on now. You choose you keep this person a memory.
Keep this memory tucked away, maybe visit it once in a while, but choose to keep living your life and moving on. Don’t dwell on the memories. That’s all they are. In the past.
Take it for what it was. You were together, and it didn’t work out. Love doesn’t always work, but that doesn’t mean it won’t exist elsewhere.
This is where broken people are.
This is where they wipe their tears away
And put on a new face;
A shiny, glossy mask.
They meet other
Shiny, glossy people and exchange superficial pleasantries.
This is for the people afraid of being alone;
Afraid of being marooned –
By a willfully blind puppet master.
They look for another,
Convincing themselves that they are the ones in control.
This is where the hopeful people are.
This is where the lost people are.
Passing through crowds of people,
But not really seeing a single face.
Trying to both remember and forget,
Wishing they knew now only what they knew then.
Searching for a shard of resemblance
Of a happier time.
This is where she shall drift,
Know your worth.
Know that you, just as everyone else, is worthy of love.
Don’t let yourself stay with someone who wants to be with another
When all you want is to be wanted by someone who only wants you.
When she leaves, and you remain as his remaining crutch,
The only shoulder to cry on
You will always be wondering
What if she stayed?
Go ahead and cover the walls of your glass room with pictures of a fantasy.
Paint the insides of your eyelids with what you want to see
And tell yourself that you’re fine. That this is what you wanted.
Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re in control
And then force yourself to feel what you think you should feel.
Live in your false comfort.
Dream, imagine, and hope all you want
But know it does not have to be this way.
Not as long as you believe you are worthy.
She lived in a bubble. She was hesitant around strangers and was slow to open up. But when she did open up, she was loving, bright, and affectionate.
Over time, through the people she encountered, and situations she experienced, she learned it was better to stay in a bubble. She kept people at a distance. Because, as she had learned, physical affection means you’re asking for more.
She would flinch when others would touch or hug her, friends and strangers alike. She always kept her distance while yearning for closeness. She was lonely when she was not alone. She was starved for affection, yet her fear and anxiety held her back.
Somehow she ended up in relationships with others who would not be affectionate. “I don’t like holding hands,” they would say. “I hate PDA,” even when it was an arm around the shoulder or a hand on the knee. So it became normal for her.
“Why are you so codependent? Why are you so clingy?” they would say. Even though she thought her requests were normal, they made her doubt herself. Her doubts turned into shame, and her shame manifested itself as bitterness, self hatred, and jealousy. She had accepted that it would always have to be this way.