A heartbeat that is an engineless, runaway train.
A brain severed from its cord.
A body in pieces.
There is someone shrieking over there,
In that corner where
Uncertainty and fear lies.
A dull pounding behind the eyes
Becomes a searing pain.
The world feels so dangerous nowadays.
A calming glow
A gentle warmth.
It heals and protects.
It soothes the burnt
And thaws the frozen.
Sweet as honey,
Refreshing as water.
A year ago today I began writing here.
I was about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life.
I was about to meet so many new people,
Have so many laughs and
Shed so many tears.
I was about to break my own heart
Say goodbye to someone who meant
So much to me
And then meet the love of my life.
What a wonderfully, terribly, awesome year.
Words cannot express the emotion,
Pain
Fear
Love
Excitement
Surprise
Joy
Pride
I feel.
So much can change in a year.
Happy anniversary.
To the girl I ruthlessly harmed,
Both physically and mentally –
Please find it in your heart
To forgive me.
To the girl I told wasn’t good enough
Over and over,
Please find it in your heart
To let go of the pain.
I was hurting
So I hurt you,
Hoping for relief.
I should have been there for you.
I shouldn’t have let you go through it alone.
I am sorry.
A paper plane flying through a thunderstorm.
Each drop weighs ever heavy on the thin wings,
Curling, folding, disfiguring the once
Straight, strong edges.
Laying in a puddle of muddy water,
A crumpled shape is left.
When the sun returns, the airplane cannot be recovered –
It dries and hardens,
Never quite the same.
Synchronicity.
One, two, three, four,
Repeat.
Steady mind, steady fingers –
Breathe in, breathe out.
Focus.
Nothing but here
And now.
The mind wanders,
But is pulled back in
Like yarn escaping a needle.
Bring the attention back.
Stay mindful.
I have nothing. I lie here empty and uncertain of why exactly I’m hurting. There’s an uneasiness that settles throughout the spaces that have been worn through my mind. It’s the kind of feeling of being trapped. Of falling and having no way back.
Stillness. Softness. Silence.
A rumble in the distance.
A footstep. And then nothing.
Tense. Terror. Trapped.
I’m all one way or another
I want apart or together
To the extreme either way
Please go
Please stay
