HOW TO DESTROY A GIRL’S SELF ESTEEM

Are you frustrated with a girl who has a little too much self confidence?

Have you ever wondered how to knock her down a few notches and put her in her place?

To the influx of people who are finding a previous post of mine by googling things like “how to destroy your girlfriend’s self-esteem”, I hope you find this one instead. This one will be much more succinct.

All the other tactics don’t work – I’m telling you this much. Do not subtly try to put her down or make off-hand comments comparing her to other girls. There’s something way better.

You need to go get help. If you are actually trying to find out how to ruin someone else’s self esteem, you are deeply disturbed and something is horribly wrong with you. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true. Hurt people hurt people. Get help.

Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: I know too many girls who were in abusive relationships with insecure, sad partners. And now they are thriving while their exes are still miserable.

I’m not one to wish the same hurt I endured onto someone who thinks that bringing another human being down will solve your own pain – so please, look inside yourself and get help.

Thanks.

No more victim blaming

Implying that a person’s preexisting mental illness meant they deserved their trauma or abuse is like saying any other vulnerable population deserves to be abused. Saying that a mental illness that causes people to make “bad decisions” is placing the blame on the person, not the perpetrator. This is victim blaming. This all leads back to the stigma surrounding mental illness. A child does not deserve to be abused. Nor a homeless person, a sick person, or any other vulnerable individuals.

Why don’t they report?

Why do sexual assault victims wait so long to seek charges against their alleged abusers?

In light of the Kavanaugh situation going on, I wanted to post this extremely informative thread. There are a lot of great comments explaining why people don’t immediately report assaults.

Trauma trancends rational logic. You’re in shock. Would you ask a victim of a collision why they didnt get up and bandage themselves together? Of course not, you would understand they’re in shock and pain. So why do we treat assault survivors like this? “Why didn’t you run? Why didn’t you report?” A lot of people who ask this just don’t understand. They don’t understand the situation or the pain, they don’t know how to help.

Some people dont like to hear this, but assault is much more prevalent than we would like to believe. I know too many women (and men) who have gotten through horrific, traumatic situations – a disgustingly high amount of them sexual assaults.

Have some compassion. Stop victim blaming.

The thing about healthy love is…

It is boring. And I mean that in the best way possible. There’s no drama, no mind games, no abuse. Healthy, good love is supportive and calm. All of the intense, passionate love does not need to be “balanced” with intense hatred, fights, blaming, or fear. Healthy love is safe and predictable. Boring tends to carry a negative connotation but when it comes to love, it doesn’t have to.

Intense, tumultuous relationships are not sustainable. Dramatic relationships are unstable and unreliable.

In healthy love, I learned, you and your partner are each other’s cheerleaders. You support each other. There is no competition or comparison. There is no putting each other down. You are truly partners. Lovers. Best friends.

Mental illness is not an excuse

Reminder that mentally ill people can be abusive. Reminder that you do not have to excuse their abusive behaviour just because they’re in pain.

If you are hurting and you blame others for your pain, you are being manipulative.

If someone actually abuses you, you can state the fact that they abused you and you are now feeling pain.

If someone criticizes or critiques you, and it hurts you, these are your own insecurities. This does not make them abusive. This does not make them toxic.

If you tell someone it’s their fault you had a breakdown, or want to hurt yourself, or want to kill yourself, you ARE being manipulative and unfair. Even if they hurt you.

Fighting fire with fire doesn’t work.

Right now

I hate how you made me feel. I hate how you took my trust for granted and manipulated me, knowing I would always give you the benefit of the doubt. You lied and I would believe you because I thought that someone who said they loved me would never lie to me. I thought that someone who said they loved me wouldn’t push me past my comfort zone, or manipulate me, or violate me the way you did.

You know, for the longest time I blamed myself, as I believe many others in my situation do. I thought I should have put my foot down. I should have ended it right away. I should have said no louder, angrier, more forcefully. Those tears and that quiver in my voice shouldn’t have been there. I should have been stronger and then I wouldn’t be where I am today.

As I moved forward, away from you, I put my walls up and prepared for the worst. I was convinced that everyone I was with after you was just like you. I realize now that all these years and even today,  I somehow still blame myself. I told myself that I’m a bad person, and anyone I’m with will eventually see that. When that happens, I know that their eyes will wander and they will find someone better. I am but a stepping stone that is only there to be used.

I am starting to see now that the problem was you. You were so insecure and afraid that you put me down so I was on your level. You sought validation from other girls and used their attention to inflate your own sense of self worth. You were selfish and greedy, so you always took more and more from me even when I told you I had had enough.

Now I am far away from you and I see how love should be, but somehow I am still haunted by the past. I am told to be mindful and grateful for what I have, and I try my best, but I think before I can heal, I have to process what happened. It’s been 7 years. It’s about time.