HOW TO DESTROY A GIRL’S SELF ESTEEM

Are you frustrated with a girl who has a little too much self confidence?

Have you ever wondered how to knock her down a few notches and put her in her place?

To the influx of people who are finding a previous post of mine by googling things like “how to destroy your girlfriend’s self-esteem”, I hope you find this one instead. This one will be much more succinct.

All the other tactics don’t work – I’m telling you this much. Do not subtly try to put her down or make off-hand comments comparing her to other girls. There’s something way better.

You need to go get help. If you are actually trying to find out how to ruin someone else’s self esteem, you are deeply disturbed and something is horribly wrong with you. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true. Hurt people hurt people. Get help.

Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear: I know too many girls who were in abusive relationships with insecure, sad partners. And now they are thriving while their exes are still miserable.

I’m not one to wish the same hurt I endured onto someone who thinks that bringing another human being down will solve your own pain – so please, look inside yourself and get help.

Thanks.

Invalidation

I realize I haven’t written on here in over a year. Two years ago, something horrible happened to me. One year ago, I finally mustered up the courage to speak about my trauma. I decided, with the help of a mental health professional, to branch out and tell my friends and family why I had been so distant. Why I had changed and become this different person.

 

One person who I thought was a friend was incredibly insensitive and invalidating. They demanded to know whether I was drunk when it happened, whether I knew him, whether I really wanted it. As if it was my fault. They asked me if it was really “that bad”, why I didn’t come home, why I didn’t report. I was in tears, in shock, unable to speak as they berated me and further assaulted me with questions.

 

After that, my progress halted. I went back to the nightmares, sleeplessness, and shame. I repeated my “friend’s” demands in my head. Why didn’t I report it? Why didn’t I leave? What if it was my fault? What if I deserved it?

 

I became silenced. I stopped writing.

No more victim blaming

Implying that a person’s preexisting mental illness meant they deserved their trauma or abuse is like saying any other vulnerable population deserves to be abused. Saying that a mental illness that causes people to make “bad decisions” is placing the blame on the person, not the perpetrator. This is victim blaming. This all leads back to the stigma surrounding mental illness. A child does not deserve to be abused. Nor a homeless person, a sick person, or any other vulnerable individuals.

Why don’t they report?

Why do sexual assault victims wait so long to seek charges against their alleged abusers?

In light of the Kavanaugh situation going on, I wanted to post this extremely informative thread. There are a lot of great comments explaining why people don’t immediately report assaults.

Trauma trancends rational logic. You’re in shock. Would you ask a victim of a collision why they didnt get up and bandage themselves together? Of course not, you would understand they’re in shock and pain. So why do we treat assault survivors like this? “Why didn’t you run? Why didn’t you report?” A lot of people who ask this just don’t understand. They don’t understand the situation or the pain, they don’t know how to help.

Some people dont like to hear this, but assault is much more prevalent than we would like to believe. I know too many women (and men) who have gotten through horrific, traumatic situations – a disgustingly high amount of them sexual assaults.

Have some compassion. Stop victim blaming.

Firsts

I used to think that you were the one for me
Because you were the first.
The first to treat me how I wanted to be treated
And how I deserved to be treated.
You were the first I was with while I began to
Realize my worth.

I used to place so much value in Firsts.
I remember my first boyfriend,
My first kiss.
I thought because he was my first
We were meant to be.
I wasn’t really in love with him, though,
I was in love with the idea of the First.

Instead I was introduced to my first heartbreak.
My first betrayal.

After a long line of Firsts,
I ended up with you.
I was certain this was the be all and end all.
You were the first to treat me with that level of respect.
You were the first to truly listen and share my pain.

I clung onto you for so long because
I felt that you were my most important,
Significant First –

And for the first time, you didn’t want me back.
For the first time, I let you go.

The one for me
Is not a First in many ways,
But is a First where it matters most.

And in the end, maybe Firsts aren’t important after all.
Life isn’t that simple.

He is not my first kiss,
Nor my first love.

But I remember our firsts
As being sweeter than honey
And I remember feeling
Lighter than air
Happier than ever.

So goodbye to all my last Firsts.

Anniversary

A year ago today I began writing here.
I was about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life.
I was about to meet so many new people,
Have so many laughs and
Shed so many tears.
I was about to break my own heart
Say goodbye to someone who meant
So much to me
And then meet the love of my life.

What a wonderfully, terribly, awesome year.
Words cannot express the emotion,
Pain
Fear
Love
Excitement
Surprise
Joy
Pride
I feel.

So much can change in a year.
Happy anniversary.