One more week

After next week, I am done with instructing. On top of everything else that’s been happening, I feel like teaching is becoming overwhelming. It was once the one thing I looked forward to. I’ve been teaching and/or tutoring for almost a decade now and it’s a shame to see the passion shrink into nothing.

I dread going to each class. I hate interacting with the students. I want to leave as soon as I can. I feel like I’m not making a difference or helping at all, which makes me a worse instructor, which then consolidates the idea that I am not making a difference or helping at all.

I should have known this was coming. Last year towards the end of the last semester, I began burning out fast. I was having panic attacks in the lab and had to have some of my classes cancelled. I keep telling myself that there’s only ONE MORE WEEK, but the thought of that one week is daunting.

I tell myself I can make it, but there’s a growing voice in my head asking, “can you, though?”

I used to love teaching. It breaks my heart that I feel this way. I always prided myself as being someone who enjoys helping others learn and see how exciting learning can be. Now I feel like I’ve lost that. I’m not really sure what kind of person  I am anymore. I don’t know if I can make this one last week.

2 thoughts on “One more week

  1. Teaching can be very stressful at times. I teach adults so they are usually quite supportive but teaching teens or children is much tougher. Maybe the impression that you have is not that of your students and you may be judging yourself too harshly.

    Liked by 1 person

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