I know it’s getting bad because I’m hitting a writers’ block. I don’t even want to write.
I know it’s getting bad because I’m always on edge, and scared of people. I believe they will ostracize me. They will leave me.
If I’m alone by choice, then I can’t be rejected. They can’t leave me if I’m already alone.
But withdrawing and loneliness is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone. It’s not addressing the underlying problem. It is a quick fix that actually doesn’t fix anything at all.
Days go past and I can’t help but feeling like I’m wasting my life away.
Not quite miserable and sobbing, but also not happy either. I just am. In a numb sort of way, not a mindful sort of way.
I’m starting to accept that this is getting too hard.