Numb

Disgust. Shame. Hatred. Anger. They pour into my skull with a violent, jarring crash. 

It’s like leaving a loud concert and suddenly realizing everything has gone quieter, more muffled. It’s your ears adjusting to the repeated assault of loud noise. 

I am suspended from my body, like the outline of my mind is a centimetre or two off from the outline of my figure. All perceptions are fuzzier. My vision blurs. I hear sounds as if they’re hundreds of miles away. I can’t feel my body.

I’m not sure whether I should throw up. Or scream. Or hurt myself. Maybe I’m better off like this. Maybe I should find better earmuffs. 

2 thoughts on “Numb

  1. You 100% should not hurt yourself. You’ve received enough hurt from others – you don’t deserve to inflict it on yourself. If you need support, reach out to someone. If it’s family or a friend (and they care about you; I promise), great. If not, there are distress centres in nearly every province that will listen to you 24/7. This link can help you find one (scroll down; it’s not just suicide prevention): https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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